Incurable
by baconEggsterminator
Summary: When Naruto is on a mission, he ends up with an illness that no one is sure how to cure. When Tsunade fails at healing Naruto, she has to search elsewhere for medical attention. She ends up with Dr. House as Naruto's new doctor! Naruto/House MD x-over *discontinued*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N YAY! A HOUSE AND NARUTO x-over!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty that this is the first Naruto House x-over on fanfiction…**

**Disclaimer:**

**Naruto: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and somebody who is not RANDOMNESSO.o owns house, so since RandomnessO.o is neither, she doesn't own either. Dattebayo.**

**RandomnessO.o: ON WITH THE STORY!!!! The first sentence has no significance whatsoever.**

The sun rose higher outside of Dr. Gregory House's office window. He tossed a large tennis ball in the air, leaning back in his chair to catch it. He stretched his feet onto his desk and closed his eyes. He turned the volume of the music in his headphones up until it was extremely loud, and he couldn't hear someone come in…

"House!" A voice called, interrupting House's attempt at a nap.

"You'd better be here to give me a raise, or I'm not interested." House grumbled as he saw Cuddy, his boss, walk in.

"You're on clinic duty," She said, ignoring his remark, and with that she left before House had a chance to protest.

House sighed and stood up, grabbing his cane for support.

He stepped into the elevator, saw Foreman heading towards him, and pressed the 'close doors' button before Foreman reached him. Just before the doors had fully closed, however, an extremely attractive blonde stepped in front of the doors. House noted her humongous boobs, and caught the door immediately.

She flashed him a nervous smile, and entered. By then, Foreman had reached the doors, but House, gesturing from behind the blonde towards her breasts, said,

"No more room," And promptly closed the doors in Foreman's face. Foreman glared at the elevator.

------CLINIC------

The hot blonde got off of the elevator at the same level as House, and she headed toward the clinic. House followed her. If he could work on this woman, then House would do hours of clinic duty.

Blondie (as house had nicknamed her in his head (House is so creative, isn't he?)) walked and sat next to a group of people who were all wearing strange clothes and had extremely weird looking hair colors and styles. One of the kids was wearing a bright orange jumpsuit and was clutching his stomach, hinting that he was sick. House grabbed the clipboard with a picture of that kid on it, and read off the name.

"Uh-zuh-mah-ki Nay-**roo**-too? (A/N this is Houses's lame attempt at pronouncing Naruto's name.)Your turn," He called. The kid stood up.

"Hey!" One man jumped up. "I have been waiting here for over an hour, and no one has seen me!"

House briefly examined the man. He had brown hair and was balding on the top of his head. He wore thick, round glasses, and was quite overweight.

"Your wife is cheating on you," He said simply.

The man gave House an appalled and confused look.

"WHAT?!" He said loudly. "H-how- Why- What?!"

House didn't have any explanation ready this time; he just wanted to get this man out of his way. House pushed his way past the shocked man and pointed at the 'Uzumaki' kid.

"Exam room one," he said, and he pointed towards exam room one. "I'll be there in a minute."

The kid in the orange got up, quickly followed by a pink haired girl, some gray haired guy, and Blondie.

House noticed that the balding guy was still staring at him.

"What are you looking at?!" He snapped and stuck his tongue out childishly at the man, who sat down. House turned and grinned.

----EXAM ROOM ONE----

"All right Kakashi… I'll leave them to you. Just make sure that you get back to Konoha as soon as possible. I guess I'll be on my way now then." House heard a woman's voice drift out of the room. He pushed open the door to see Blondie talking to the gray haired guy. _Damn it, she's leaving,_ House thought. He stopped her at the door.

"Hey, want to go out for a drink with me later?" He said with a sarcastic sort of look on his face. Blondie just raised her eyebrow, and walked by him.

House shrugged and stepped into the hospital room. The 'Uzumaki' guy was now holding his head.

"So your name is… 'Uzumaki'? What kind of name is that?" House squinted at the name.

"Actually," The pink-haired girl said, "His name is Naruto. I'm Sakura, and this is Kakashi-sensei."

House looked at Sakura and said quite rudely, "I didn't ask for _your_ names." She narrowed her eyes, and then turned away. The 'Kakashi' guy (_"they all have such weird names…"_ House thought) was leaning against a wall holding an orange book with Japanese characters on the cover. He blushed and giggled slightly.

House looked at Naruto. He didn't want to do this.

"I'll send someone in to take over," He said to no one in particular and left the room. A nurse who looked like she wasn't doing anything important was standing outside. _This must be my lucky day,_ he thought.

"You're needed in there," House pointed at the door he had just come through.

"No, you're needed in there," The nurse replied. House frowned.

"Let me guess," He started, "Cuddy told you to keep an eye on me?" The nurse nodded and glanced at the clipboard in her hand.

"That bitch," House said just loud enough for the nurse to hear. He turned around and went back into the exam room. He was about to announce his return when He realized that Naruto had fallen on the floor and was puking violently.

Sakura was crouched beside him, looking confused. Kakashi looked as if he had been headed for the door to get a doctor. Naruto coughed twice and finally looked up, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth, his eyes red.

**A/N ok, so this is the first chapter of our awesome crossover. Please! R&R! Tell us if any of the characters are too OOC, and We will try to fix it. If you look at our profile, Izzie (hehe) is the one who wrote this first chapter. She's also the one typing right now… that sounds really weird…**

**Anyway, I hope that it gets more interesting as it goes on! If you have any paring suggestions, let us know, and we MIGHT use them… **

**Once again R&R!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N HOORAY FOR A NEW CHAPPIE!!!! I know that no one but me is thinking that right now…**

**Disclaimer: Ino: RANDOMNESSO.o does not own Naruto or House. She (they) don't even own their own house… **

**RANDOMNESSO.o: BUT WE WILL ONE DAY OWN THE WORLD!!!! Using pine cones as our main energy source.**

**Chapter 2**

"Naruto, don't eat that…" Sakura warned. Naruto was holding a large, round, shiny, red fruit of some sort.

"Well what else am I supposed to eat?!" Naruto yelled. "Kiba fed the last of our food to Akamaru!" Naruto glared at Kiba, and Akamaru barked.

"Akamaru was hungry!" Kiba argued.

"So am I!" Naruto countered, and for extra dramatics, Naruto's belly growled, Right on cue.

"Naruto, you're always hungry…" Sakura pointed out.

"Yeah, and we wanted the food to go to something useful for once, instead of you." Kiba laughed. Naruto clenched his fists. He hated it when everyone ganged up on him like this.

"Fine," He grumbled. "I won't eat it if you can find something else edible."

Kiba shook his head.

"Why would I find food for you so that you don't eat that, when I don't actually care if you do?" The dog-ninja commented. Naruto gritted his teeth. No matter how hard Naruto tried, he just couldn't get along with Kiba. (A/N Now that I think about it, Naruto never tried to get along with Kiba, did he?) Naruto really wanted to throw the fruit in his hand at Kiba. Wait, if he wanted to throw the fruit, then why didn't he?

Naruto grinned, just before hurling the red thing at a confused looking Kiba. Kiba moved to his left, causing the red fruit to fly past him and hit some poor, unsuspecting tree. Kiba laughed.

"Think you'll hit me with that?!" He taunted "Yeah right!"

"Shut up!" Naruto yelled. He was getting really pissed off at Kiba, now that Plan A had failed. Sakura sighed. These two were _constantly _bickering. She stood and brushed the dirt off of herself.

"Well if you two are just going to argue about what to do, then I'll go and find some sort of food." She said and walked away. Naruto glared at Kiba.

"Look," Kiba said, "Now you made Sakura angry." He turned away from Naruto and laid on his back. Naruto wanted to hit Kiba so badly…

Naruto stood up and stalked away from Kiba instead. He hated going on missions with Kiba! And on this particular one, they had gotten completely lost. It wasn't _entirely _Naruto's fault… Ok, no it was. But that was beside the point.

So Naruto, Sakura, and Kiba's current position was lost in unfamiliar territory. A few days out in the 'wilderness' alone, and tempers flared.

First it was that they couldn't stand sleeping in the same tent ("Naruto! You snore too loudly! I can't get a wink of sleep!"). Then it was that they were just getting themselves more lost ("Huh, I don't get it… This should've led us in the right direction…" "Naruto… You're holding the map upside-down…" "No I'm not!" "Uh, Naruto, yeah, you are… See, this is here, and these are here?" "Oh, Yeah, I see…"). And finally they ran out of food that had they had packed, and they had no idea where to get more because there didn't seem to be any sort of town or stream or much of anything anywhere.

So now the three of them (four if you count Akamaru) were all on each others nerves and finding anyway to blame someone else for being lost.

Naruto walked across a grassy field, toward the shade of some tree. The sun was beating down on him and he began to sweat. He felt a sick for some reason, but blamed it on the bright sun because once he was in the shade he felt a little better. He sat on the soft green grass, and then laid on his back. He gazed at the clouds floating away in the breeze. He almost envied them until he told himself to stop before he turned into Shikamaru. He watched a bug instead.

A little while later, Naruto was asleep from some sudden wave of tiredness he had felt. His sleep was filled with fragments of dreams that he didn't remember when he awoke. He didn't know how long he slept for, but when he woke up, Sakura as sitting near him and the sun was setting.

"Unghh…" Naruto groaned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "How long was I asleep?" he asked.

"How should I know?" Sakura snapped, clearly she was still in a bad mood. "I don't know when you fell asleep." Naruto just shrugged and stood up. The sun went in his eyes, so he turned away. He felt sick again now that he was standing up. His vision was blurry, but he figured that it was because he had just woken up.

"Where's Kiba?" Naruto asked when he realized that he couldn't see the annoying ninja anywhere.

"What are you talking about?" Kiba's voice came from somewhere. "I'm right here!" Naruto shook his head to clear it, but it just seemed to make his vision worse.

_What the hell is happening to me?_ Naruto wondered. He felt his legs give way and he fell.

"Naruto!" He heard someone shout, just before he blacked out.

"Where's Kiba?" Naruto asked randomly.

"What are you talking about?" Kiba, who was sitting right in front of Naruto, answered. "I'm right here!" Naruto shook his head to clear it suddenly, as if trying to shake the sleep from his mind. Sakura watched as Naruto's knees buckled.

"Naruto!" She shouted as he fell to the ground. "Naruto! What happened?!" She yelled and she ran to his side. He was sprawled out on the ground, face down in the grass. She knelt next to him and rolled him over. Naruto's eyes were closed as if he was asleep (Sakura figured he wasn't asleep because he had just been asleep for a few hours at least and also people don't randomly fall on the ground in mid sentence and go to sleep.). Sakura slapped Naruto's cheek, and when he didn't wake up, she told Kiba to set up the tent.

Sakura decided that she didn't want to waste the little water that they had left on waking Naruto up, so she concluded that she would just let him be.

Kiba, still complaining as usual, had finished pitching the tent so Sakura laid Naruto down inside, on a sleeping bag. He groaned slightly in a way that sounded like he was in pain.

"Hey… Sakura." Kiba's voice sounded from outside. "Akamaru says he needs a walk, do you want to come?" Sakura stuck her head outside of the tent and into the darkness. The sun had now set and Kiba looked thoroughly ridiculous asking her to go on a walk now. Sakura shook her head.

"I think I'm going to sleep now. You probably shouldn't wander around alone at night though." She said.

"I've got Akamaru with me though." Kiba said and he grinned. He turned, with his small white dog trotting behind him. Sakura watched them go until she lost them to the darkness. She sighed and backed into the tent. She laid on her sleeping bag and closed her eyes, letting sleep take over.

"Sakura? Sakura!" Sakura awoke what felt like minutes later. Kiba was calling her with an excited look on his face. Sakura glanced in Naruto's direction. He was still asleep! Sakura turned to face Kiba again.

"What is it?" She asked drowsily. It was still dark outside. Kiba looked like he was about to laugh.

"We got so lost that we found our way home." He said. "We're pretty close to Konoha!"

Sakura sat up excitedly. This meant no more nights spent hardly getting any sleep in a tent with two obnoxious boys! (Hooray!)

"Should we wake up sleeping beauty over there?" Kiba smirked.

Sakura crawled over to Naruto and shook his shoulder gently.

"Naruto?" She called softly. The blonde ninja opened his eyes a crack.

"Where… what…?" Naruto asked. He opened his eyes slightly, but it was dark so he couldn't see anyway. He closed his eyes again and was about to go back to sleep when he remembered suddenly.  
_Wait… The last thing I remember is… falling flat on my face. _Naruto recalled. He opened his eyes again. By the pale light of the moon through the tent, he could make out the outlines of two people he figured were Sakura and Kiba.

"Naruto… are you feeling all right?" One figure asked. (This was obviously Sakura because even though like Kiba she could probably care less about how Naruto felt, she at least had the decency to ask. The figure also had Sakura's voice…)

"Yeah," he said automatically, even though his head had begun to throb, "why?"

"We're near Konoha, and if we leave now we could be there by morning." The other figure, Kiba, replied. "She just wanted to know if you wee up for the journey after fainting earlier." Naruto scowled at the silhouette he figured was Kiba.

"Of course I'm up for it. I said I was fine, right?" Naruto crawled out of the tent and into the night.

The fresh air felt clean and cool on his face. Kiba and Sakura followed Naruto out of the tent moments later.

"Well I guess I'll pack our stuff if we're leaving now." Kiba sighed. Sakura nodded, and Kiba walked of, Akamaru at his heels.

Sakura stepped toward Naruto meaningfully.

"If you're not feeling well, we can wait until morning…" She began, but Naruto silenced her with a look. He gave her one of his big, cheesy grins and said, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

**A/N Yeah… That wasn't a satisfying ending, but I figured that I should post what I have. I'm letting you all know now that it takes me (meaning 'Izzie') a REALLY long time to update. Sorry about that… I'm getting into this story a lot more than any others I've written so maybe I'll start updating faster. YAY! Now to answer the anonymous reviews:**

**pink pandas: Thanks! I'm glad people are appreciating it! .**

**Ryan McNamee: Sorry… no Naruhina, I'm just not going to write Naruhina. Sorry. Give me House pairings that might actually happen, or Naruto pairings that don't involve Naruto himself (if that made any sense xD).**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N I made a sort of typo in the last chapter… You see, there are two places where the point of view suddenly changes, and there was supposed to be a line there. I didn't know that fanfiction doesn't make lines if you type '--' then enter, so it's really confusing… sorry again… sweatdrops**

**I could blame my slow updating on my concussion, but I got the concussion way after I posted the last chapter, so I can't really…**

**This chapter is dedicated to Kagekitsune49 for being a damn lot more helpful than Meredith, a.k.a. Ms. CSI.**

**Chapter 3**

Akamaru's shrill bark echoed in the morning mist.

"We're here!" Kiba's voice translated what Akamaru has said.

"Thank goodness." Naruto said under his breath. Ever since he had started walking that morning (well technically night) his headache had been growing steadily. He just wanted to get back to Konoha, back home, go to sleep, and never wake up. Some ramen would be nice to.

"We should report to Tsunade right away… She'll want to know why we took so long." Sakura said, not looking forward to it. The others nodded, and the three shinobi walked through the entrance to Konoha.

--After Tsunade's long lecture thing--

Naruto was close to dead. Not only was his headache now hurting so much that it was hard to think straight, but Tsunade had scared the shit out of him. He had no idea that she could get that angry! She must have been drinking earlier…. Naruto was walking home alone since Kiba had left a few minutes ago because Hinata and Shino wanted to talk with him, and Sakura had said she wanted to talk with Tsunade for a minute, alone. _What kind of person,_ Naruto wondered, _would want to talk to Tsunade after _that_? _

As soon as Naruto got into his house, he made instant ramen and ate it. Then he made more and ate that as well. While walking through his bedroom, Naruto noticed that it was really messy. Normally Naruto wouldn't have cared what state his room was in, but today he kept tripping over the piles of laundry and other trash on the floor.

When he reached his bed, he flopped down onto it, and pretty much fell right to sleep.

LATER

"Naruto!" Naruto woke to someone banging on his door. He was still laying fully dressed on his bed. He sat up sleepily and rubbed his eyes. He glanced in the mirror without thinking, and noticed that he was a mess. He had a bed head and his clothes were wrinkled and lopsided, and looked like he had just woken up. Oh, yeah, he HAD just woken up.

Naruto stood, and immediately felt dizzy. He staggered to the door, and flung it open. Sakura stood there, looking at him worriedly.

"Are you ok?" She asked. Naruto just shrugged, he was too tired to think.

"Is your headache still bothering you?" She questioned her eyes deep with concern. Damn… Why did she have to remind him about the headache? The moment she said that, it came back. Naruto nodded.

Sakura looked him over.

"Look," She said, "I think it'd be best to go to the hospital for a while, you know, after what happened on the mission." Naruto wondered if he had heard Sakura right.

"I'm not going to die or something!" He pointed out. "I don't need the hospital, I need to sleep. And how did you know about my headache anyway?!"

"It was obvious you had a bad headache, you were always holding you head. And you do need a hospital. You don't mean to tell me that you haven't been sleeping ever since you got back home today?" Naruto knew that what she said made sense, but he didn't want to stay in a hospital. Still, he really didn't want to argue with Sakura…

"Tsunade told me to tell you to go to the hospital. If you want to go against what she says you'll have to deal with her. It's up to you." Naruto froze when Sakura told him that. The very LAST thing he wanted was to deal with an angry Tsunade a SECOND time today.

"Fine, I'll go to the hospital if Tsunade wants me to." Naruto agreed, reluctantly.

--At the hospital--

Naruto lay on a bed in some room that he had been told to go into. They said Tsunade would be in there in a minute. Naruto scowled. Why did they need to bring Tsunade in? He wasn't THAT sick…

Tsunade walked through the doors a few moments later followed by two other medical ninjas.

"We'll need to run some tests to see why you're sick." Tsunade said while handing a clipboard to one of the medical ninjas.

"I am NOT sick." Naruto protested.  
Tsunade raised her eyebrow as she examined him. He was definitely sick from what Sakura had said earlier, but why?

Naruto sighed. He might as well agree to the 'tests' Tsunade was taking to avoid her angry side. Besides, she seemed determined...

He slid off the bed and faced the medical ninjas, trying to act like nothing was wrong.

"Fine." Naruto said stubbornly. "I'll take the tests, but if nothing's wrong, just let me go home to sleep. And eat ramen."

Tsunade nodded. That was probably the best she'd ever get out of the stubborn shinobi, even in his current condition. She proceeded with some tests that Naruto wasn't sure were for, but went along with it anyway. One of the tests involved Naruto being asleep. Tsunade didn't need to do anything to Naruto to make him fall asleep, since he was pretty much snoring where he was standing. Later when Naruto woke up (still feeling tired as usual) he saw that he was alone in a hospital bed (or so he thought) and his door was open a crack.

"I have no idea what it is." Naruto could hear Tsunade's voice echoing down the hall and into his room. "Naruto's sick, that's for sure. It looks as if… something is slowly eating away at his body from the inside." Tsunade now walked out of hearing range, but her words had already left an ominous pit in his stomach (or maybe that was just a hole left from whatever was eating away at him). He should've listened to Sakura and rested before coming home… or better yet he should've gone straight to the hospital.

Naruto was frustrated with himself. He needed to spend all of his spare time training if he wanted to bring Sasuke back, not lying in hospital beds! _Sasuke… _Naruto thought (Normally here Naruto would have a flashback here, but to save you (and me) the agony of it, I will have another character interrupt him here.).

"Huh? You're awake?" A voice came from a chair across the room from him. Yamanaka Ino was sitting with her legs folded under her, sitting on a chair with her arm on the back of the chair acting as a pillow.

"What? Were you… asleep in here?" Naruto asked a little weirded out. Ino sighed.

"Sakura asked me to wait in here for you to wake up to see how you're doing. But, Sheesh! Could you have slept any longer?!" She complained.

"Sakura… Why didn't she just come herself?" Naruto puzzled. There were some people who he wouldn't have been surprised if they had sent someone to check on him instead of themselves, but Sakura wasn't one of them.

"Didn't you know?" Ino sounded surprised. When Naruto didn't answer, she explained. "She got assigned to some mission… I don't remember what it was, but she's not here now! Oh," Ino reached onto the window sill for a tulip in a vase, "here." She walked over to Naruto and handed him the flower.

"If you're ok, I need to get back to the flower shop." Ino walked toward the door but paused just outside to hear Naruto's answer.

"Yeah… I'm fine. Did Sakura-chan tell you to give this to me?" Naruto asked hopefully pointing at the flower. Ino shook her head and replied, "No, it's from me. I mean, I was visiting you in the hospital, so I figured I should bring something to say 'get well'." And with that she left, closing the door firmly behind her.

_The tulip's from... Ino-chan? _Naruto sat scratching his head. He didn't get girls. One moment they seem like they care and the next they're screaming at you.

He laid back, stretched his arms out and flopped his head onto his pillow. He felt a little more awake now that he'd slept for… how long?

Naruto glanced at the clock nearby.

_HOLEY--! _Naruto thought. He had been asleep for almost twenty-four hours! No wonder he wasn't as tired as before… (mind you, he was still tired.)

Sunshine filtered through the blinds at his window, but not on his bed. Still, Naruto knew that even if the light were shining on his face, it wouldn't be the reason for him not going back to sleep.

Tsunade's words had just come back to him, and they echoed in his head, filling him with a dark feeling. Maybe she had been exaggerating? He hoped this was true, and if it wasn't he hoped there was a simple cure….

**A/N Nothing like a bad end to a bad chapter! Sorry things are moving along so slowly… I try to update every time I get a vacation though.**

**(interruption) I LOVE FRIKKEN ALEX!! (/Interruption)**

**Ooookay then Alex, thanks for your help in writing this A/N.**

**Alex: Haha, I pwn the world.**

**Me: of course…  
**

**Anonymous reviewers:**

**Ryan McNamee: I'd really rather you left comments that were about what you thought of my story  
**

**I will try to update faster, but I sometimes have no motivation… maybe each time I write a chapter I'll get a cookie! That should work…**

**--Izzie**


	4. Author's Note

**ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!!!!!**

**I'll try to update the story!!  
**

**I suddenly started getting all these reviews... so now I feel like I have to update!**

**This author note will be replaced with a chapter. If you're lucky, that'll happen within the next week. Don't quote me on that. .  
**


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